Random thoughts:The other side of the empty glass

Why the glass should always be half full instead of half empty...

I was 8 years old when I relocated with the rest of my family to Chennai, leaving my father to work abroad. The only feeling I had was that my dad was living separate from us and I was missing him... Whenever we met people, distant relatives or friends, they always used to ask, "Do you like Chennai or did you like Muscat better? "

Not only then, till date I don't know the answer to that! All that I felt in my heart was that I missed my dad! I didn't have any opinion for anything at that age..! Of course eventually I figured an answer to give to people readily if and when somebody threw that question out at me... but it was just some answer that I had to tell to navigate myself through that question...

After many many years, my little family (husband, daughter and I) decided to move to Toronto from Chennai... It has been a little more than two years since we came here... But again, I'm required to answer the same question, with the only change of the locations  involved... Well, now I really cannot think to myself "I'm just little, why do everyone keep asking me this question" because I am an adult and my mind was an active part of this decision to move here as a family... But I still cannot find an answer when I'm faced with this question...

Each place has its own pros and cons... when I was in Chennai,  I was so used to it... I grew up there... My personality developed there... It was my home! My friends, relatives everybody and everything was there.... it still is... obviously my heart reaches out to anything involved with the place... 

Here, do I like this place? Well, it's not bad if you know how to layer up during winters.. Am I comfortable? Maybe yes, maybe not... Any complaints at all? Well, I miss home!  I miss the family.... I miss my group... Hmmm, can anything be done about it? Well, God willing, maybe in due course...

So again, I don't find myself with a concrete answer... In recent days, the fact that I never have a concrete answer started bothering me... I am a kind of person with very less wants... I go with the flow... And I very recently realized, how that would really shock someone who have things planned, I would probably be classified as an aimless person with no ambition in life... (I know what my priorities are, for the record)... But I simultaneously realized that because of this nature of mine, because I'm less picky and I don't have the need to have choices I am more adaptable... I can fit in whichever place I choose... God, made me to be born in a desert, relocated my path to a tropical country, and now I'm in one of the coldest countries... Extreme Hot to Extreme Cold!! All within just three decades ... And I'm doing alright.... I don't have to be great all the time to live/enjoy my life.... I have whatever I need to survive without any complaints... Isnt that enough? 

No complaints =Being happy

I realized the real meaning of the saying "Happiness is a state of mind"... 

Living without any complaints! How big is that? No reason to worry! Let that sink in..!!!

Instead of counting the blessings and identifying the goodness in the moments of our daily lives,  we have gotten into the habit of picking the tiniest thing that went wrong and keep complaining about it till we get the next teeniest to latch on... how crazy or disgusting is that? 

One of my colleagues used to say "If you're still alive, that means the problem wasn't big"! How true is that?!

Happiness is truly a state of mind... We dont have to feed our mind with problems and worry... If we let go,  trust me it feels good! So, I CHOOSE to be happy! This is what I want for myself! SO BE IT!!!

P.S. I Love You

Darling Dad,

It's a month now. You decided to move on from us  on your 65th birthday... At that time, I thought I understood. Medically the doctors lost hope, your body wouldn't respond, all your vital organs failed. You were so much in pain that they had to keep you sedated. Despite that, when I came, you responded to me. When I  said your grand daughter had also come along, you tried to say something to me. Can I say I'll cherish those moments? I know it's going to be permanently etched in my memories...

I've been wanting to write this dedication to you for so long now... but how do I write about a relationship in mere words? Well, I am writing now because I want to ease my pain of losing you. I don't think this is helping though.

You've always said that your son and daughter are none but your parents... I am not sure if our relationship was mutually respectful because of that.  This has been the case right from when I remember. By including us in discussions, you gave us responsibility very young, made us understand what is to be valued in life. You sent us to India with mom pretty young in our age because you wanted us to grow independent and street smart. Anything that we wanted came with a cost, which you made us understand and respect.  You made sure you provided well for the family. So many times when I have asked you for something that would be out of budget for the month, you'll ask me why it was important to me. If it was justified,  you would always say "dont think about money if this is useful for you. I will always provide money. " And you will stick to your word. Particularly when it came to education, you have not had a moment to spare for second thoughts.

While you did whatever had to be done for the family, you provided for others too. You taught us by being a living example that it's important for us to share our resources with people who are needy in whatever way we can. I have lost count as to how many fees you've paid for numerous people, responsibilities and duties you have taken up performing various roles in your life even when we were in financially tight spots. 

I remember the early days of being separated from you.  I was crying one day and amma (who very rarely sheds tears) also broke down trying to console me. She said "do you think this is easy for all of us?  It is also very difficult for appa. At least we are together here, whereas he's living there all alone working his way to ensure that both of you make good lives for yourself.  If you really feel the pain, you need to study hard and make sure that you don't fail him and his efforts".

I thought the separation all along would probably  be easier for me to cope up with your loss...

But i was wrong. Though we were separate, you were always there for me. There was always a routine... you would always call. You would talk to me... there always was a good 30 days when you used to come beaming for annual vacation... the beam used to shrink each day closer to the day of traveling back and the final week of your stay you always used to say "Study well, take care of your mom" etc.... there always used to be a next time. 

When i came for our annual vacation this time, I didn't know that was going to be the last time I would see you beam at me! Had i known, i probably wouldn't have left....! Now there's no next time anymore... I never knew I could miss anybody more. I miss our routines... I miss your intervention in my life... I wish there's a next time...

Well, I dont know what else to say.... I don't think I will ever stop missing you. But maybe sometime in the future I will be ok with the fact that you are no longer there physically. I just hope you are still a doting dad,  guiding us from above, like always.

Love you forever!



#Still-a-heavy-heart!

HOW LOUD ARE YOU?!

How loud are we?!

To answer this question, maybe we should take a different angle to it- "when are we loud?"

In the most basic example, we raise our voices when we are angry. We don't shout out loud during intimate moments or when we have meaningful discussions... We might fight with friends or family, but when we emote how much they mean to us, we don't raise our voices... Imagine if the person came by your side, held your hands, looked in your eyes and shouted "you mean the world to me, even more"! How weird would that be?!

No, we are not loud when we speak from our hearts... We are not loud when we genuinely show compassion to a person... We are not loud in our intimate moments... We are never loud when we feel the love flow through us...

Just like how the proverb goes "Empty vessels make most noise", in the absence of love within, maybe a person becomes more loud? Maybe the word LOUD was derived as a by product of not being LOVED? Maybe by being loud, they are trying to find more attention and place themselves in a position to receive more love? 

When the world around us is so noisy, is it because nobody is getting the necessary dosage of love? Not physical in any way, but the pure love from friends, a partner, parents and community? 

Is this the crux of every spiritual message? 

Maybe, if there was overflowing love for every being, the world and our minds will be less noisy!

Next time, if and when we encounter a loud person, let us think whether that person is loved enough!

#Another_random_thought

If there was Magic!

If only there was Magic,

- I would be the perfect size
- I would say only the right things, all the time, to win hearts and arguments
- I would live in a bungalow
- I would have assistants for cooking, cleaning, driving etc
- I would have live music performing round the clock
- I would probably freeze time, a lot of times
- I would go around the world whenever I liked, how many ever times I wanted without an expense
- I would probably have my kids grow up in a jiffy, without having to go through any hassle


What not!


But wait, read again...

- if I was the perfect size, then I'll get my dresses in the first shopping attempt I make.  I'll lose out on exploring multiple shops, "searching" for the right dress!
- if I said the right things always and simply win arguments,  I won't get to know different views of different people, I'll never grow from who I am! Also, isn't getting back together after arguments the best part of relationships?!
- (I might just end up living in a bungalow, with or without magic, so let's for now skip this point)
- if I had assistants for every small thing, I'm just going to get bored and lazy!
- if I always had some entertainment in the outside, there's going to be no time for introspection and inner growth
- if I froze time, I'm probably going to be stuck in this life forever....!
- if my kids grew up in a jiffy, despite the hassle, I'm going to be like "where did all my good days go?"!

Life is magic in itself... All the imperfections and incompleteness will make sense when we look at it from a broader perspective... The faults that we find today will make complete sense in a different situation... So let's not complain, let's not crib... Let's work through the imperfections with a level head , capture and experience the beautiful magic Life offers every moment!!!

APPRECIATION IS THE KEY!!

Over the course of our lives, at some point, we get to know about good or bad deeds, the effects of such punyam(good deeds) and paavam (sinful deeds) on us and our generations to come. Most of us, who are conscious of this cycle try to do something in some way to increase the stock of punyam. We might donate, give in charity, feed the hungry etc.

Some of us, who as such struggle to find a balance between personal and professional life, might settle with giving money towards a good act, trying to compensate for the inability to take time out for such noble causes.

I just recently realized, during one of my own random thoughts session, how to know if a particular act of goodness will yield results. Or when is a good act actually considered good, or how much it is valued.

We have heard from elders that cooking on your own and making even one packet of food is much better than donating towards 10packets of food. It struck me at that point- the reason why cooking a small quantity ourselves is better is that when we give that one packet to somebody who is needy, that person will look at us and acknowledge the effort that we've put. For him/her we are somebody who is God-sent, a messenger, to answer their prayers. When, in such a state of gratitude, he thanks us, the effort that we have put in scores a centum.

Even in temples, when there are activities which are paid for, like annadaanam, or puja activities, the temple authorities acknowledge the families who have contributed for. In weddings, when elders or family members give gifts, the purohit makes an announcement declaring their names and the gifts in public. I used to think why publicize acts of goodness, wouldn't that be like boasting? But now I realized these are all done to acknowledge the good intention of the givers. When the receivers acknowledge the contribution of the givers, the givers receive full credit for their act.

One other thing I realized was that if and when we don't acknowledge and remain silent when it is due, that is sinful by itself. We are blocking the way for one person in receiving his genuine due of credit.

So being genuinely appreciative is a skill all of us should develop, not only to sound nice, but to avoid having a hole in the bag which is designated to collect the punyam for ourselves and our family.

Not only that, by doing so we will turn into a person who people will like being around with, and a person who genuinely people will appreciate!

The more smiles we pass, the more smiles we get!!!

PS: If you are still not going to be able to physically involve yourself in something but can only give money towards noble causes, please continue, for something is always better than nothing! 

Ok for Micro fusion, but Macro fusion?

What is this post all about? Well, I was relating micro fusion in the musical sense, where fusion has acclaimed a spot among major styles of music. Fusion of various styles, various genres give a refreshing vibration to the whole aura of music, provided it is fused well. (Of course, fusion can get messy in some cases, where nothing special is added and the music is just plain, and the original vibration is lost as well, making us wonder "Why even bother about tweaking the original version?")

I have heard this musical fusion more than the pure carnatic style since early childhood. I started listening to pure styles only during my teenage. That might be the reason why I do like fusion music, sometimes more than classical ones, because it seems more "home" to me ... 

As far as music is concerned, fusion makes sense!

But....

The world currently has decided to display the whole gamut of imaginable and unimaginable fusions in a mega plate in front of me, so vast that I feel like I'm an alien in this new world... I see people of various cultures fuse, genders fuse... If I know less, there maybe a fish and a flower fusing together right now to create a "flo-sh"?! 

Maybe I'm looking at this negatively, maybe I need a different angle... Maybe all of this makes sense and trickles down to the fact that all is one? Wipe out all the variations and discriminations, make everything the same? No tall-short, white-black, curly hair-straight hair, curvy-flat, big-small, boy-girl, no opposites at all? Is there a right or wrong for this, or has that gone already? Is this a sustainable change or am I just being a conservative person? The whole world does seem to be changing, all around me! 

Well, I'm really confused... I really did like fusion in music... But applying the same in a macro scale, I don't think I like it anymore... 

What do you think? 

Random thoughts...!

MAYBE....

When we enroll our children in playschool or daycare, the whole idea of doing so is to engage our children in an environment, which develops their skills and personality. The kids are involved in various fun activities, along with peers, which makes them more social, a system is kept in place, which brings in a sense of discipline at a very young age. A proper setup of daycare would have a gamut of educational toys, puzzles, books, daily outdoor activity, arts, crafts and maybe more. So once a kid enters the area, he/she is engaged. The kid can choose what he/she wants to play with, or maybe just dress-up, pretend play, chat, sing or dance with the friends there! It is entirely up to the kid to make the day...

In God's world, let us assume, one day in His world equals one life for us.

MAYBE, in God's world, one life of ours is actually one day spent in daycare! The whole idea being, when our parent Mr.God, drops us at the daycare, we are born... Our time spent in childhood, teenage is probably equivalent to removing the shoes, jacket that we wore to reach the daycare and gearing ourselves for the entire day's activities in God's clock. By performing every new activity at the daycare called LIFE, we gain experience... We learn, develop new skills... We make friends, we share... We are basically left to HAVE FUN... There are caregivers, our spiritual Gurus, to guide us and look over us... However needy and cranky we get, things will be given to us only when the time comes, there is a routine involved. No crankiness is actually encouraged, "Be patient, wait, you will get when you have to get it" is what is advised. The material possessions (toys), our family and friends are not ours forever, we can just make use of it when we are here. At the end of the day, we might not have played with every single toy, but we would definitely have learned something new, which could be put to use later (vaasanaas).  We can leave the daycare only when our parent or an authorized person comes for us. And no toy or friend can accompany us back home, it all stays at the daycare, it is not ours, including favourites. 

In this design, if we accomplish a task or win a game, it is great! If we fall, it is still great, for we get to play it again and try our success! There is actually no case of failing, it is just "a bad day", and everyone will have it one day or the other!!! So, ideally, there is neither a place for worry or depression or anxiety and other such factors to creep in nor is there a reason for the negativity!! After all, when a child is dropped off in a place, don't the parents take enough precaution, check safety and security features?! The parent makes enough checks to make sure the kid is going to thrive!!!! Likewise, God has dropped us off here for us to learn, develop our skills, put our learnings into practice and thrive, and to finally let go! 

Maybe this one day in God's clock is one cycle of birth for us... Hmmmm...

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Just Random Thoughts !!!