Random thoughts...!

MAYBE....

When we enroll our children in playschool or daycare, the whole idea of doing so is to engage our children in an environment, which develops their skills and personality. The kids are involved in various fun activities, along with peers, which makes them more social, a system is kept in place, which brings in a sense of discipline at a very young age. A proper setup of daycare would have a gamut of educational toys, puzzles, books, daily outdoor activity, arts, crafts and maybe more. So once a kid enters the area, he/she is engaged. The kid can choose what he/she wants to play with, or maybe just dress-up, pretend play, chat, sing or dance with the friends there! It is entirely up to the kid to make the day...

In God's world, let us assume, one day in His world equals one life for us.

MAYBE, in God's world, one life of ours is actually one day spent in daycare! The whole idea being, when our parent Mr.God, drops us at the daycare, we are born... Our time spent in childhood, teenage is probably equivalent to removing the shoes, jacket that we wore to reach the daycare and gearing ourselves for the entire day's activities in God's clock. By performing every new activity at the daycare called LIFE, we gain experience... We learn, develop new skills... We make friends, we share... We are basically left to HAVE FUN... There are caregivers, our spiritual Gurus, to guide us and look over us... However needy and cranky we get, things will be given to us only when the time comes, there is a routine involved. No crankiness is actually encouraged, "Be patient, wait, you will get when you have to get it" is what is advised. The material possessions (toys), our family and friends are not ours forever, we can just make use of it when we are here. At the end of the day, we might not have played with every single toy, but we would definitely have learned something new, which could be put to use later (vaasanaas).  We can leave the daycare only when our parent or an authorized person comes for us. And no toy or friend can accompany us back home, it all stays at the daycare, it is not ours, including favourites. 

In this design, if we accomplish a task or win a game, it is great! If we fall, it is still great, for we get to play it again and try our success! There is actually no case of failing, it is just "a bad day", and everyone will have it one day or the other!!! So, ideally, there is neither a place for worry or depression or anxiety and other such factors to creep in nor is there a reason for the negativity!! After all, when a child is dropped off in a place, don't the parents take enough precaution, check safety and security features?! The parent makes enough checks to make sure the kid is going to thrive!!!! Likewise, God has dropped us off here for us to learn, develop our skills, put our learnings into practice and thrive, and to finally let go! 

Maybe this one day in God's clock is one cycle of birth for us... Hmmmm...

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Just Random Thoughts !!!

L.I.T.T.L.E

Having things LITTLE:

When small waves hit the shore on a regular basis, it just comes and goes. We enjoy the waves when it comes. It brings a few objects from the sea and deposits on the shore, likewise, collects a few objects from the shore to take back into the sea... Nature sets an equilibrium by giving some and taking some. On the contrary, when a tsunami is gonna strike, the water first caves deep inside from the shoreline and then a major wave, only one wave, hits the land... When this one wave hits us, it wipes out whatever it comes in contact with. This, we do not enjoy. We call it a destruction, a massive one.

Similarly, when we have small "waves" of everything, be it emotions or possessions or even money, it is OK!!! That's a blessing in itself. Why keep asking for more and more? When more is given, more has to be taken... Nature HAS to maintain equilibrium... Little is always better. Little is safer. Little is pleasant. Having little lets us relish what we have to the fullest. Things are valued much better when it is less. Closer to the equilibrium, is the best spot to relish life!!



Having LITTLE things:

Looking at the clouds, finding the shapes with your child
Counting the stars, even when you know you'll never finish counting them all
Smiling at people, to pass on love
Dancing silly to music
Sharing hugs
Telling loved ones that they are loved and cared for
Appreciating efforts
Praying for the well-being of all beings
Being grateful for the blessings we already have
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Little things are actually the bigger things in life!!!

Renew Your Love !!!

The world and its entire system work on interactions, small and big, of course. Acquaintances are less interacted with and our close ones receive the higher share. During such communications with the inner circle, usually, with time, we start to understand how the other person is going to react on various topics. We might even know the exact dialogue of that person with so much accuracy that we would rather let the conversation happen in our mind and finish off 'the talk' than actually let it happen in reality... Now this is problematic, isn't it?

When this happens with our better half, it gets all the more problematic because we tend to start fighting, based on the conversation that happened in our head!!! So we THOUGHT the spouse 'said' this and that, and based on that, we react outwardly- now we choose to fight till our heads break. All of this based on assumptions!! How crazy are we, particularly to the closer circle?!

Now, coming to my post here... This craziness definitely happens, a lot of times, in my house... But both of us now have realized this and are, well trying to, differentiate between conversations in our heads and in reality. Yeah, this differentiation took time and really has helped us value each other better. 

We had everything, good job, enough money, family very close by, a good set of friends, almost everything that's probably enough to live a decent life. We were happy indeed, yet we decided to explore away from home. We were in no hurry, took our time. My husband chose to do things on our own as the system was pretty transparent and, all instructions and help were available online. So we started without expecting much and finished tasks step by step. Things fell into place and finally, the day came when we had to fly. We were leaving all the comfortable cushions in life. We had to shell out the entire savings that both of us had managed to save from the beginning of our careers. We risked it all. We chose to call it a "calculated risk", just to say to ourselves everything is ok, nothing to worry. All of this hit me so hard mid-flight on our journey here. My mind was screaming "Oh my God, what did we just do?!" I was just trying to keep back the emotions that were building forcefully within me. 

I did keep myself for a while... The day after we landed we had to go to a service centre that was located within a mall to complete certain documentation formalities. There, my 2 yr old was tempted by a candy packet. That's when I lost it completely! Till then we had had the liberty of buying whatever she asked for, which wasn't much, like just one gems packet, one eclair chocolate and the like. Though I knew this counting-every-penny-quite-literally phase was a temporary hitch, it broke the emotional barrier that I managed to keep up till then. I lost it for about ten-fifteen days. And after that when I did regain myself, I realized that despite all these happening around, and despite a lot more things not falling into place (as yet), my husband was completely sane!! 

We hadn't got a house for a month and a half and no job for two months... And we were emptying our pockets, in dollars! I was keeping up on and off but was consciously trying to keep up. He additionally felt the responsibility for the family as such, basic shelter and food... He was affected as well, but he kept his emotions in check. Whenever he was finding things hard, he would divert himself so as to not fall into the dark hole. He kept himself busy, observing and learning the culture here like a sponge collecting dirt. He fit himself into the groove. These were the days when a lot of arguments following the style above happened, a lot of assumptions and i-know-you-would-say-this kind of fights came along, a lot! But we still stuck on lending each other a hand, a shoulder to cry on, basically a platform to rest the heavy load of emotions at. Thankfully our family and a few friends helped us along to make our transition smooth, our gratitude is so deep for them for helping in times of need (God bless them in all walks of their life!!!). Days passed, things started falling into place. First, we found a residence, then he got a job. He finally found relief, that he hinted with a small drop of tear that came out of his eye when he got the offer letter.. Finally!!!

The emotional burden we chose to carry with us for a temporary period of time, did shake us inside out, I thought I was ready but actually wasn't quite. He, on the other hand, knew what he was putting himself through, mentally prepared himself rock solid and stepped into the fire with all the glam-on. 

Later on, after settling down a little, both of us realized that this transition in life brought out two different personalities of ours out. We became strong for each other, more independent in certain ways and basically started valuing each other better than before. The initial take-it-for-granted-assumptions is now getting wiped-off. 

Being taken for granted was making both of us feel on the edge before the transition. This transition of creating a new home, away from home has redefined our relationship, for the better. When most of the Gurus or philosophers guide us to live in the moment, to live in the present, we really don't understand. This experience of ours threw light for us in this regard, to live without assumptions and preconceived notions, no past, no future... TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT!!! Without any background scene at the back of our mind. All of us experience different life changing events along the way and we change. Attitudes get altered. None of us remain the same forever. So how would holding on to assumptions make sense? 

To be honest, we don't know how successful we're going to be in attempting to live in the moment, but we are trying and it seems to lift a lot of weight off the shoulders. 

Let us all keep renewing our love, LIVE long, as healthy and as sane as possible!  Let us all hope to spark and develop beautiful relationships, grow stronger and prosper together!!

The Parenting Class

We recently migrated to Canada and are still just getting settled. Having come in the fall season, winter was more than eager to welcome and 'treat' us. This year's winter broke a 50+ year record for the maximum weather recorded during the holiday season!! This winter, being the very first for us in this extreme temperature, well, we had to figure out ways to engage ourselves and get accustomed (my husband of course had no choice other than travelling to work, leaving my daughter and myself as the main subjects in this post).

Initially, we explored the Toronto Public Library(TPL). Having being located at multiple easily accessible places, with the facility to use the library services anywhere, or online, with lots of space to bring and use your laptop (free wi-fi) the TPLs are a much sought after place, after coffee shops, for people who need  space apart from home to work. The TPLs conduct several programmes for kids particularly. In fact, the staff get excited, quite literally, when we inquire about kid-specific events. There was a family-time event that happened for 30 mins every Wednesday, for a few weeks, in the library nearby our residence. My daughter and I attended those sessions where baby songs would be sung, stories were shared and a lot of clapping and jumping used to happen, after which we would grab a few picture books, and come home. She was definitely enjoying the new faces and live sessions, after spending almost two months with very few toys or books or people around her. As this was only scheduled once a week, my daughter was getting bored on other days. So I was still on the look out for other ways to engage her. 

That was when one friend mentioned these "parenting classes" to me one day over phone, where a parent or a baby-sitter can just bring their child who aren't school aged yet, and aren't attending any day care to mingle with other children. This place is again a drop-in place, from 9 AM to 1 PM, Monday to Friday, sponsored and run by the government, in various localities. The center close to our residence is located within a school, where ALL play things are found in one room. Kids have a building blocks or solve-a-puzzle area, a big carpet where children sit during the story-time or where children can grab a book to read, an infant area with bigger and colourful blocks and even a small teeny tiny bed, a painting area where the kids can show off their various bright strokes, a sand area with the play-with-sand equipments, a big box like bucket with water for kids who like to play with water (the water box is filled with different toys each day for variety, one day the kids bathe the dolls, the other day ducks swim around, another day kids fish out alphabets!). Other than these, kids can play in the gymnasium as per schedule, the staff bake muffins on some days, prepare home made play dough for the kids, give them snacks everyday...! This place boosted my daughter's spirits up by a few notches. She started waking up every morning saying "school day, yaayyy!!"

The staff at the center is a beautiful person, who is as lively as the kids. She attends to all, the kids, the caregivers and the parents with the same smile and energy, throughout the session, everyday! Despite the noise and number of people in the room, whenever two kids grab the same toy and fight over it, she'd summon herself and sort things, she'll teach them politely to ask for something but not grab it, for how many ever times she has to repeat it! She'll encourage the kids when they do something on their own and move on. She'll be conscious and alert at all times and do things to avoid mess and mishaps, like if a child playing at the water table is spilling water out of the box, she'll instruct a parent or caregiver standing nearby to clear it immediately and explain to the child why the water should stay in the box. If a child playing with the sand brings a mug of sand out, she'll ask for it to be cleaned immediately so that the snacks table or other tables don't become messy. All the while, whenever there is a new family joining the group, she'll find time to get to know them better. 

As this was mighty impressive for all of us, we planned to make this a routine for my daughter, so that school would become easy later on... 

Everyday when entering the school premises I used to wonder, why name these sessions as a "Parenting" class when the focus was for kids. But only after a few visits I understood that the actual focus were Parents!! These sessions create various live situations where the staff gets to observe how we handle our kids. Kids do get upset easily, if not our kid, some kid everyday, for one reason or the other.. The staff at these centres are professionals who teach with live examples, for the kids, as well as parents, well mainly for parents! When casually talking, a parent said "he's always interested to colour or create things from waste materials", the staff immediately asked "so then, maybe if he's upset for something, have you tried giving him a paper and pencil to soothe him out?". There was another instance where a mother was feeding her son, but he was refusing to eat and wanted to play. The staff asked the mother, "is he refusing to eat? why? does he want to play?" The son used this distraction of his mother to get up and run away from the table, at which the mother forced him to sit. The staff immediately said "no, we don't force our children to eat. Don't force him." And  then looking at the box she said, "Isn't this too much food for your son? This could be my lunch, not so much for a 3 year old".. 

These are live instances where guidance are given out for parents, without charge, while engaging your kids, for a healthy nurturing of the young minds, or the future generation. As parents, we can easily get carried away with our way of parenting. Particularly, when there's no external checkpoint like our immediate family, who would observe and comment on how correct we are when it comes to parenting. There might not be a hard and fast rule of parenting. Each kid has their own personality which would require a unique way to handle circumstances. We used to have our paatis- thathas and other elders for such guidance in our traditional system of family. With multiple parenting angles and views to any issue, the child will quickly learn right and wrong, do's and dont's, and the parents were immediately corrected when they were 'living' bad or wrong examples. When trying to establish roots at a place away from home, the fact that this society at Toronto is providing a nutrition rich resource through such centres and staff to create a healthy state of mind for the nex-gen is making me feel a ripple effect of good vibes!

The First Post

I have always been a talk-it-out kind of person. But when there is an ocean of thoughts running in the mind, so much to hinder your physical ability to finish tasks, and there is none of your trusted listeners beside you, that's when L.I.F.E is happening... And, that's when we have to create an outlet... So here I am, writing my first blog post, something I never thought possible, not with an excellent writer at home at least. Credits to my mom, who is The Blogger at home, astounding people around her with her beautiful takes on various topics, which she flaunts so easily with her style. I am starting to blog with as much of skepticism as a critic, but with equal spirit to plunge the depth and try my hands at my writing skills. God bless me, and God bless those following me!!