The world and its entire system work on interactions, small and big, of course. Acquaintances are less interacted with and our close ones receive the higher share. During such communications with the inner circle, usually, with time, we start to understand how the other person is going to react on various topics. We might even know the exact dialogue of that person with so much accuracy that we would rather let the conversation happen in our mind and finish off 'the talk' than actually let it happen in reality... Now this is problematic, isn't it?
When this happens with our better half, it gets all the more problematic because we tend to start fighting, based on the conversation that happened in our head!!! So we THOUGHT the spouse 'said' this and that, and based on that, we react outwardly- now we choose to fight till our heads break. All of this based on assumptions!! How crazy are we, particularly to the closer circle?!
Now, coming to my post here... This craziness definitely happens, a lot of times, in my house... But both of us now have realized this and are, well trying to, differentiate between conversations in our heads and in reality. Yeah, this differentiation took time and really has helped us value each other better.
We had everything, good job, enough money, family very close by, a good set of friends, almost everything that's probably enough to live a decent life. We were happy indeed, yet we decided to explore away from home. We were in no hurry, took our time. My husband chose to do things on our own as the system was pretty transparent and, all instructions and help were available online. So we started without expecting much and finished tasks step by step. Things fell into place and finally, the day came when we had to fly. We were leaving all the comfortable cushions in life. We had to shell out the entire savings that both of us had managed to save from the beginning of our careers. We risked it all. We chose to call it a "calculated risk", just to say to ourselves everything is ok, nothing to worry. All of this hit me so hard mid-flight on our journey here. My mind was screaming "Oh my God, what did we just do?!" I was just trying to keep back the emotions that were building forcefully within me.
I did keep myself for a while... The day after we landed we had to go to a service centre that was located within a mall to complete certain documentation formalities. There, my 2 yr old was tempted by a candy packet. That's when I lost it completely! Till then we had had the liberty of buying whatever she asked for, which wasn't much, like just one gems packet, one eclair chocolate and the like. Though I knew this counting-every-penny-quite-literally phase was a temporary hitch, it broke the emotional barrier that I managed to keep up till then. I lost it for about ten-fifteen days. And after that when I did regain myself, I realized that despite all these happening around, and despite a lot more things not falling into place (as yet), my husband was completely sane!!
We hadn't got a house for a month and a half and no job for two months... And we were emptying our pockets, in dollars! I was keeping up on and off but was consciously trying to keep up. He additionally felt the responsibility for the family as such, basic shelter and food... He was affected as well, but he kept his emotions in check. Whenever he was finding things hard, he would divert himself so as to not fall into the dark hole. He kept himself busy, observing and learning the culture here like a sponge collecting dirt. He fit himself into the groove. These were the days when a lot of arguments following the style above happened, a lot of assumptions and i-know-you-would-say-this kind of fights came along, a lot! But we still stuck on lending each other a hand, a shoulder to cry on, basically a platform to rest the heavy load of emotions at. Thankfully our family and a few friends helped us along to make our transition smooth, our gratitude is so deep for them for helping in times of need (God bless them in all walks of their life!!!). Days passed, things started falling into place. First, we found a residence, then he got a job. He finally found relief, that he hinted with a small drop of tear that came out of his eye when he got the offer letter.. Finally!!!
The emotional burden we chose to carry with us for a temporary period of time, did shake us inside out, I thought I was ready but actually wasn't quite. He, on the other hand, knew what he was putting himself through, mentally prepared himself rock solid and stepped into the fire with all the glam-on.
Later on, after settling down a little, both of us realized that this transition in life brought out two different personalities of ours out. We became strong for each other, more independent in certain ways and basically started valuing each other better than before. The initial take-it-for-granted-assumptions is now getting wiped-off.
Being taken for granted was making both of us feel on the edge before the transition. This transition of creating a new home, away from home has redefined our relationship, for the better. When most of the Gurus or philosophers guide us to live in the moment, to live in the present, we really don't understand. This experience of ours threw light for us in this regard, to live without assumptions and preconceived notions, no past, no future... TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT!!! Without any background scene at the back of our mind. All of us experience different life changing events along the way and we change. Attitudes get altered. None of us remain the same forever. So how would holding on to assumptions make sense?
To be honest, we don't know how successful we're going to be in attempting to live in the moment, but we are trying and it seems to lift a lot of weight off the shoulders.
Let us all keep renewing our love, LIVE long, as healthy and as sane as possible! Let us all hope to spark and develop beautiful relationships, grow stronger and prosper together!!
